Zippidy Doo Da

I'm not stupid, I'm from Texas!

Saturday, September 30, 2006

It's a Hillbilly Jee-had!

I found this shoved side-ways in my inbox:


From: Ray [mailto:anonymous-comment@blogger.com]
Sent: Friday, September 29, 2006 9:37 AM
To: driftwood@liquiddaddy.com
Subject: New comment on Hear "Snake Farm," by Driftwood

Ray has left a new comment on your post "Hear "Snake Farm," by Driftwood":

bring it on bro' bring it on!

but next time spell my name right
W*Y*L*I*E

This is in response to my 2/18/06 thrown down offer to duel with pies a 50 paces over "Snake Farm."

Now let's be clear, Ray, Hostess fried pies do not count as pies, along with impanadas, or those little miniture truckstop pecan and buttermilk pies (mmmmmm buttermilk pies, arrrgggggggggg) because someone could get killed. I'm talking traditional pies like one would see at, say, Thanksgiving?

I give a strong recommendation to Flying Saucer Pies on Airline, in Houston.

Sorry about the name spelling thing. I was thinking of somebody else when writing you.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Insulting Everyone

I am bringing back the bottom 50 worst insults in honor of the clean skirts in this state:

1. Putty-titted lizard-sucking Tanzanian retard!
2. Unctuous dildo-fingered Camaro monkey Goomba!
3. Arrogant vodka-sweating Scandinavian snowman-fucker!
4. Gland-juggling rubber-tickling Australian Playtex-poof!
5. Petty, twat-faced Dominican chupacabra-diddler!
6. Piss-gargling, pig-drilling Nebraska barn queen!
7. Cat-greasing cookie-pounding Lebanese cellulite forest!
8. Bunion-hobbled narcoleptoid Bavarian cabbage snatch!
9. Macaroni-munching Nevada club-foot worshipper!
10. Half-naked face-scratching Faroe-Islander trailer trash!
11. Psoriasis-ravaged google-eyed Syrian cock vortex!
12. Leather-lunged pruney-pudded Azerbaijani ass-pilot!
13. Snooty, chancre juice chugging Ecuadorian priss!
14. Smelly knuckle-dragging sequin-wearing Slovakian sasquatch-fag!
15. Wishy-washy scrotum-cheeked Eskimo fuck!
16. Typical tone-deaf Canadian jizz tampon!
17. Lyre-strumming congenital idiot Panamanian golf hazard!
18. Chicken-stealing psychotic mumbling Hungarian troll-poler!
19. Arrogant pus-gushing Namibian fiddler crab!
20. Morose defeatist carbuncular Latvian anus-gazer!
21. Just your average prolapsed rectum incarnate German!
22. Gap-toothed Philistine Comanche zit licker!
23. Pink-eyed pyramid scheming Danish castrato-fondler!
24. Carcass-rolling maggot-pimpled Kyrgyzstani yak-slammer!
25. Thunder-thighed Belgian manic-depressive twat-chomper!
26. Dumpster-diving gum-rescuing Nicaraguan bung-beggar!
27. Soup-slurping phlegm-coughing jarlsberg-toed Norwegian barge rat!
28. Annoyingly gregarious, crouton-baking Sicilian mole farm!
29. Thieving coked-up Azorian coconut fucker!
30. 900-pound bedsored fold-fucking Costa Rican soap frightener!
31. Spongecake-decorating limpdicked dirty Maltese sheepfaggot!
32. Greedy thimble-dicked harelip Cambodian cripple-lover!
33. Miserable detail-oriented Armenian sweathog!
34. Barnacle-taunting freckle-assed Irish perch-bully!
35. Toejam-snorting Kiwi dick coozie!
36. Incontinent ping-pong nutted Bulgarian taint-breath!
37. Typical vindictive, hairy-eared Guyanese whoremonger!
38. Two-faced llama-fisting Argentinean smegma geyser!
39. Goat-stinking gong-smacking Chinese loaf-launcher!
40. Lazy good-for-nothing shiftless Moldovian sphincter lint!
41. Sour thankless near-sighted Siberian panty-creamer!
42. Feces-fixated penguin-pronging idiot Antarctic fucknut!
43. Elf-masturbating pixie-poking Easter Island dick-dwarf!
44. Officious parvenu-pooper Icelandic procto-scholar!
45. Inveterate mush-mouthed Jamaican strawberry mark humper!
46. Crumb-covered pope-buttering Vatican City syphilis slut!
47. Sullen, gratuitously histrionic Manitoba hermaphrodite apologist!
48. Conniving left-handed girdle-sniffing Djiboutian bungholer!
49. Disgusting bagpipe-fellating Scottish horse-dicked sex maniac!
50. Archetypal whiny, cretinously over-sensitive Earth fuckwad!


Thanks to Chickenhead

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Friedman Campaign Statement

Friends and neighbors,

While Rick Perry was cheerleading in college and Chris Bell was being potty trained, Kinky Friedman was picketing segregated restaurants in Austin to integrate them. Now that Kinky’s in second place and a serious threat to the two-party system, Perry and Bell have paid political assassins to dig back as far as 30 years through fictional books, comedy shows and song lyrics, desperately seeking to paint Kinky as a racist.

Republicans and Democrats have created an entire industry -- called Opposition Research -- whose sole purpose is to tarnish and destroy people’s reputations. This is why regular citizens don't run for office. If you do, and you start to threaten the system as Kinky has, you’re going to be attacked.

Kinky has overcome all of the obstacles placed before him -- getting on the ballot, raising millions of dollars, building the largest grassroots network Texas has ever seen, and breaking 20% in the polls months ago. He's a serious threat to the establishment, and when you threaten the political establishment, they use the money generated from their formidable fundraising machines to pay for "dirty tricks" tactics to manipulate the press.

It's a slimy industry that exists for the sole purpose of destroying people and -- like cockroaches -- scurries for the shadows whenever a light is shined on it.

The latest political assassination attempt takes completely out of context a controversial word that Kinky was using in a 1980 stand-up performance to lampoon racists. Playing a character on stage, Kinky was exposing bigotry through comedy and satire.

It’s pathetic that the major-party candidates have sunk to this -- trying to paint Kinky as a racist when, in fact, he was poking fun at racists. Shame on the press for being complicit. Rather than confront our opponents on their tactics and get the full story, they are allowing industries like opposition research to exist and operate outside the understanding of most voters.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Mattie, Get Me the Smelling Salts!

I do declare! I have clutched my pearls with all my might but I can barely draw a breath in shock! I have heard some disturbing things about that rabble Kinky Friedman (he's of the Hebrew persuasion, you know). He was making fun of good and true white patriots, and mocked them to a room full of long-haired bohemians 26 years ago. Thank God it was in the middle of the night down by the tracks on Washington Avenue. No decent person would be caught dead in the 1st Ward with all that colored riff-raff down there. I hear anything will make those pointy heads laugh once they are all hopped up. He said nigger about every other time as if we are so vulgar as to say that word in public anymore.

Now Rodney Ellis! There's a good man. He is so well spoken, and mannerly. He is a proud example of his race. He knows his place. And if I were a Democrat still, I would vote for that Mr. Bell. He knows where his bread is buttered. Those two would make sure there won't be any aggitating.

Oh, I wish Ricky Perry would just hurry up and win! He is such a handsome man, and never lets his head get turned around by all those jezebels around the state house. It goes to show that a man can lead a Godly life if he just stays strong.

I swear I'm having the vapors! Losen my corset!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Virginia Tom in Kool-Aid Land

I was trying to flip past the Fox Disinformation Network but I had to stop when I saw old helmet head talking. It looked like a full house at SMU for the Hannity and Whatshisname in Dallas show. Don’t know if it’s provincialism or people just want to get on TV, but Tom DeLay was talking and the crowd was just eating it up. Maybe they wanted to catch his act before he becomes Bob Ney’s cellmate. Anyways, I saw his lips moving so I turned up the sound figuring to hear some whoppers. He said “Only in America, in Texas, can they force you to run when you don’t want to.” -Is that why he spent millions running in the primary? He said Lampson moved 100 miles to get in the district; this from the man responsible for changing the district boundaries for half the voters in the state. And he said that polls show Dr. Shelly Sekula-Rodriguez-Gibbs- Hungabunga leading by 11%. Would that be that secret poll that Tina Benkiser was talking about last week? The last time I saw such happy bullshit from a politician it was Pat Robertson running for president. This guy isn’t going to shut up until they put the shackles on him.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Jerry Lightfoot

Bluesman Jerry Lightfoot, a fixture in the Houston music scene for many years, passed away in Austin yesterday at the age of 55. He performed in homage to greats like Big Walter Price and B B King, and in encouragement to lesser lights such as even myself. He had the heart to play great music, and the guts to make a life of it in this dark age. Lord knows there's easier ways to earn a living.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Call Any Vegetables?

E-coli in the news again. Funny that the first spinach to be recalled was 'Natural Selection' brand? Please remind me not to buy any produce from that 'Final Solution' outfit.

Wingnut Watch

Are you keeping up with the batshit right wing pundits? One of the far gone-most ones lately is Charles Krauthammer of the Wa Po, who’s been flogging ‘not a matter of if, but when’ war with Iran. It goes without saying with these types that nuclear targets are hidden and hardened, so we must use atomic bunker busters on them; ‘look how Israel failed in Lebannon.’ Is he one of those wacky end-timers trying to bring on World War III and fulfill the ‘Left Below” story?Chatter like this from the right tells me that recent Bush diplomatic efforts are not ‘Plan A,’ but ‘Step One.’

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Mexico's Government Split

While the noise machine blares, nothing else is heard. So much is going on, MSM's obsessions tend to eclipse important news. Kos likes the metaphor of the kid's soccer game. Instead of covering the field they chase the ball. Whoever can throw that ball in-bounds has the power to control the news cycle.

Back in my day, a North American government in civil war was big deal:

Associated Press

MEXICO CITY — Hundreds of thousands of supporters of leftist Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador elected him the leader Saturday of a "parallel government" opposed to President-elect Felipe Calderon's administration.

The symbolic "vote" - a show of hands in the packed Zocalo plaza - was the latest development in Mexico's nearly three month electoral dispute. Lopez Obrador claims fraud and illegal government spending were responsible for Calderon's victory by less than 234,000 votes in the July 2 election, and he has vowed to be the new leader's biggest opponent.

It was unclear what the "parallel government," complete with its own Cabinet, would entail.

Lopez Obrador supporters said they would travel the country and set up committees to spread Lopez Obrador's message of helping the nation's millions of poor and opposing the elite.

They also said they would continue protests against the government.

"This is the firm and honorable response to those who have converted our political institutions into a grotesque farce," Lopez Obrador said.

Events are spiraling out of control. To assume that Obrador has no power is wrong. He evidently controls the government where his party is in control. This has to be solved by the army. I guess up along the frontera, nobody will know much difference since the state police are shooting at the federales (over drugs) anyway.

In the US news, I am noticing possible misinformation being injected into the press a lot like in the Venezuelen elections, i.e. socialist goons intimidating moderates, outside interference from pinko spooks, etc.; see: http://www.mysanantonio.com/specials/weblogs/mexico/archives/2006/09/dane_schiller_r_5.html

If the Bush administration was actually operating as anything other than a rogue nation, we might have some hope.

Please keep your fingers crossed.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Dependent Energy

I could puke when I see those Reliant Energy ads touting energy savings. (who pays for that ad campaign? –duh!) Reliant has the highest rates in the state, unless you’re on a plan that uses lunar power or free- range wifty oil. They’re sending out door- to- door salesmen these days because nobody reads their mailings or listens to their phone messages. Smart customers are deserting them in droves, never mind that $50 off your bill come-on. Who has the lowest electricity bills in Texas? The people of Austin and San Antonio, with their publicly owned utilities. The stockholders and customers are the very same people. Go figure.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Legalize It

AUSTIN, Texas - Kinky Friedman says he favors legalizing marijuana to keep nonviolent users out of prison. If Texas elects him governor, he says, he'll try to get locked-up pot users released to make room for more violent criminals.

"I think that's long overdue," Friedman told The Associated Press in an interview Wednesday. "I think everybody knows what (U.S. Sen.) John McCain said is right: We've pretty well lost the war on drugs doing it the way we're doing it. Drugs are more available and cheaper than ever before. What we're doing is not working."

Friedman, the often irreverent singer, entertainer and mystery writer, is running as an independent in a bid to unseat Republican Gov. Rick Perry, and he's getting some serious attention.

He said he'd take a closer look at the use of the death penalty in Texas, wants to clean house on the state's board and commissions and would dump public school assessment tests, even if it costs the state federal money.

On the death penalty, he said he would be more liberal with the governor's authority to grant a one-time 30-day reprieve to condemned killers.

"I would be careful killing a guy," he said. "I think there are people who need to die, but the question I've asked mostly is: When was the last time we've executed a rich man in Texas?"

He bristled at the criticism heaped on him after he called some Hurricane Katrina evacuees in Houston "crackheads and thugs."

Friedman said Wednesday that his plan to give $100 million to Houston to hire more police "was not in any way racist."

"How can you possibly regret that, telling the truth?" he asked. "I am not a racist, I am a realist. In looking at the statistics, I know that 20 percent of the homicides in Houston have been committed by the element in the evacuee population.

"I never said what color their skin was. I never said all evacuees are crack dealers or crackheads. I'm smarter than that."

Also in the race for governor are Democrat Chris Bell, Libertarian James Werner and another independent, Carole Strayhorn, the state comptroller who won that office as a Republican.

As for Friedman, he said he doesn't like being called a politician.

"I don't mind being called a flip-flopper," he said, a description Perry's campaign has placed on him. "I think we actually could use a flip-flopper as governor because a flip-flopper is a human being open to change, and God knows change is what we need now."

He acknowledged that the Texas governor's authority is limited compared with executives in other states but said he would use the bully pulpit to cajole legislators. He doesn't trust them, he said, adding: "I do not trust the media either."

"Right now the lobbyists are leading us. We have a lack of leadership, a vacuum," he said.

One of the Texas governor's few powerful roles is in appointing state board members, and Friedman said he would replace as many as he could, including regents at the University of Texas and Texas A&M.

"You clean house," he said. "You get the old farts out of there. You put a bunch of young people in and you put a bunch of people who care about Texas. It's pretty simple."

If he wins — most polls show Perry leading in the race but not running away with it — Friedman said one of the first calls he'd make as governor would be to Robert Muhammad, head of the Nation of Islam in Houston, who he said "the Lord put in my path at the Austin airport earlier this year."

"He's a very visionary man," Friedman said. "You would think we're at opposite poles, but we're not. That's the guy I would tap. I would tap him to help us get those gangsters and thugs and crackheads out of there."

Thursday, September 14, 2006

What a Sad Day

Ann Richards had a great life. We will miss her wit and wisdom. I have it from a relative I know that her youngest daughter adopted a baby two months ago after trying a long time and Ann got to meet her before passing on. I wish she had had a chance to endorse somebody in this race. I really coudn't guess who it would be.

I found out yesterday that a friend of mine Jerry Velasquez died about two months ago. I feel really bad about this.

Jerry spent his adult life helping the poor in Hondo through Alamo Council of Governments as a volunteer. Jerry helped people get disability, and government assistance, he would drive people to the doctor, help them with food stamps. He knew that Universal Rundl (the urinal manufacturer) was poisening its workers with arsenic and heavy metals, causing liver cancer and other grizzly stuff, and he tagged the plant with multiple complaints to OSHA that resulted in fines and sanctions, but could never get the State of Texas to do anything. That's how that goes.

Many in Hondo hated him and as many loved him. A while back dirty cops broke down his door where he lived with his elderly mom, who has sinced passed away, and beat the shit out of him. He was already disabled. They broke his back fusion, cracked his head and left internal injuries. They held him in jail without care, broke him down before releasing him. He filed civil rights charges and the city countered charged with assaulting a law officer and trumped up a marijuana charge. He went to prison where he was neglected his schitzophrenia meds and treatment. He grew more and more paraniod and psychotic, his mom died broken hearted. He got despondent-and he died in June of July in prison. He was my age. He left two surviving sisters.

Both these individuals were heros in different ways - fighting for the same things.

Edit: Actually the TNRCC, the state agency responsible for this did some soil samples, and claimed to find nothing. I have no ability to question their data, but having no real participation from the public or an independent study, how could I be confident in what they say?

Furthermore, the D'Hanis tile is likely poisoning children in the womb around the plant with leukemia every time it floods, which is often. When I brought this to the attention of the old Texas Cancer Institute, which was part of the Department of Health, they told me that they were unable to do a cluster study because they had no jurisdiction to examine cancer incidents smaller than a zip code. They didn't have any cancer data posted after 1998, when I looked at it in 2001, and since agency consolidation in 2005, I don't know if they have designated anyone to do any of this work. There were three exposed children from the '98 flood, 1 has died and two are still alive.

Father Stanislau, the village priest called me to let me know the one child had died and begged me for help. He knew I had been active in finding a toxic tort firm to get this under control. I had contacted several toxic tort firms, some out of state, and nobody would touch it. The priest calling me that way made me feel so angry, stupid and powerless that I call ed my friend, Judge Hardberger, retired Chief Justice of the 4th Court of Appeals, and now mayor of San Antonio, who put me in touch with Tom Zinn (Susan Zinn's husband) who turned the case down,explaining that D'Hanis Tile would probably go bankrupt and disappear. There was no money in it. It was too expensive.

My friend's father worked in the tile factory for 35 years and never made more than $5.00. Those people have no power, and if you close the factory, they'll have no work. And yet it kills their babies.

The priest knew this. I knew this. Mayor Hardberger and Tom Zinn knew this. Jerry knew this. We are not the bad guys, are we?

I should thank A.T. Kott, the hero who found the source of the ancephalus baby cluster in the valley, and got a bounty put on him by the Mexican Polyvinlechrolride gangsters, but he is only one man. I should thank my father, who is a scientist. They helped me alot.

Monday, September 11, 2006

On Nine-Eleven 'O6

Check this out from Mark Weisbrot from the Center for Economic and Policy Research in London:
"To reduce the threat of real terrorism — which for Americans at home is still less than the threat of being struck by lightning — we will have to stop making so many enemies.
That means getting out of Iraq. And calling a halt to the threats of military action against Iran. And not torturing prisoners at Guantanamo or elsewhere. And using diplomacy, negotiations and international co-operation generally rather than relying on bullying and threats.
Most important, it means giving up on the project of America as an empire. This will also put an end to the phony "war on terror," the one that is little more than pretext for unnecessary wars such as the one that our government started in Iraq.In other words, the war on terror will be won at home, by changing our foreign policy. It may take some years to do so. But the alternative is an endless cycle in which our government's militarism generates more hatred and terrorist attacks, which then are used to justify further military actions — further eroding our civil liberties, living standards and the moral fabric of our society." So today let's try to remember the real history and lose the jingoism. Lord deliver us from the Wahabi SOB's who want to return us to the 15th century, and also from the GOP SOB's who have been using this as an excuse to sell out the country, dismantle the government, militarize society, curtail civil liberties, and turn the tax system upside-down, all in the name of their religion, which they have also pimped and perverted into a worship of the dollar and the gun.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Signs of Life

from the Friedman campaign today as the Chronicle has him on the front page with "Friedman backtracks on his shot at hunting." It's all good publicity, and vintage Kinkster as he speculates that God visits erectile disfunction on big game hunters. And again, there he is on page one of the "B" section being denounced by Quanell X for his remarks about crackheads and thugs from Louisiana. This is a big step above the phony baloney Rick Perry and Carol Whatsername have been spreading around. If Kinky can piss off enough of the right people, he just might become electable.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

What Can I Say?

Thanks to Pinkdome

Capitol Annex, the best political blog in Texas said today:

10,000 Troops On The Border

Kinky Friedman would like to put 10,000 National Guard troops along the Texas-Mexico border.

Kinky Friedman has lost his mind.

It's yet another example of Friedman grabbing on to whatever issues another candidate happens to be touting at the moment and making idiotic, outlandis statements on those issues in order to get more press. This latest stroke of Friedman genius comes on the heels of Rick Perry's ad about all he's done to promote border security.

I thought about this all day. I called Mr. Friedman's press aid, and couldn't get a comment. Then I looked at Kinky's platform:

Friedman’s plan proposes solutions to curbing illegal immigration; lowering crime rates in the cities most affected by Katrina evacuees; lowering property taxes, government spending and appraisal caps; and an end to Gov. Rick Perry’s business tax.

Illegal immigration
His plans for illegal immigration include increasing the number of Texas National Guard troops on the border (from the current 1,500 to 10,000), imposing $25,000 and $50,000 fines on companies that hire illegal immigrants and requiring foreign nationals seeking employment to purchase a foreign taxpayer ID card once they have passed a criminal background check.

“Texas can no longer wait for our federal government to solve our illegal immigration problem,” Friedman said. “These are steps that Texas can immediately take to help stem the tide of illegal immigrants penetrating our border.”

Crime
Crime in Houston has shot up about 20 percent since it opened its doors to Katrina evacuees. About 21 percent of those crimes involved an evacuee as either a suspect or a victim.

Friedman is calling for $100 million to be allocated immediately in Houston to fight crime and increase the number of police officers on the streets. Other cities such as Dallas and the border region will also see an increase in state fund allocations based on spikes in crime rates.

Government Spending/Taxes
Under Perry’s watch, state spending and property taxes have increased at rates that far exceed population increases and inflation. Appraisals are out of control, and Texans are being taxed out of their homes.

“These economic trends are not in line with a state that’s sitting on an $11 billion to $13 billion surplus,” Friedman said.

His fiscal policy would call for enacting legislation that will cap state spending, with increases adjusted for inflation, population increases and unforeseen disasters. Under Perry, the state saw an 18 percent increase in state spending from 2004-2005 to 2005-2006, with the budget jumping from $117.4 billion to $138.2 billion.
To give Texans the property tax relief they deserve, Friedman would also call for a cap on appraisals from the current 10 percent per year down to 3 percent.

“Texas is taking in more tax revenue than ever before, and we’ve got a surplus between $11 billion and $13 billion,” Friedman said. “Yet the politicians want to spend your money and raise your taxes. Texans should be outraged.”

Perry’s Business Tax
As governor, Friedman also vowed to abolish Perry’s business tax, which makes Texas the only state in the country with a tax on gross business income.

“Taxing small and medium businesses hurts our state’s economy and discourages new businesses from coming to Texas,” Friedman said. “I will get rid of this tax, which is amounts to nothing more than a personal income tax in disguise.”



That doesn't sound so crazy to me. I think a couple of $50,000.00 fines would do nicely to help straighten things out. 10,000 troops couldn't stay forever, but it's a start. People got to figure out if they are serious about border issues, or have confused the issue with hatred of brown people. The two things are different.

Also, Houston Metro pay 60% plus of the general tax revenue to the state, but get less than 20 cents on the dollar back. When I was growing up, Houston was basically the dumping ground for pole dancers, war refugees, parolees, mentally ill, homeless, rehab _________, prisoners, toxic waste, criminally insane, and Cantinflas. Why should it be any different with Katrina victims? What's the matter with getting a little chunk back?

Monday, September 04, 2006

Dolphin Like Mad Dog

Brest, France - For several weeks, an enraged dolphin has been terrorising the French Atlantic coast, attacking boats and knocking fishermen into the sea, French media reported on Wednesday.
"He's like a mad dog," complained Hneri Le Lay, president of the association of fishermen and yachtsmen of the port of Brezellec, in Brittany.
"He has caused at least €1 500 damage in the past few weeks."
The dolphin, who has been named Jean Floch, has destroyed rowboats, overturned open boats, flooded engines and twisted mooring lines.
Worse, two fishermen were knocked into the sea after the dolphin overturned their boat.
"I don't want to see any widows or orphans," Le Lay warned. "This could end badly."
Jean Floch has been a popular and familiar sight along the coast of Brittany since 2002. But experts say that he must have been excluded from his group recently to have turned so violent.

The Natives are Restless

I think the time is past to either treat this year's election as another 2%-er in red vs. blue american concentration zones or to publically indict the republicans for their individual and collective misdeads, or worst of all, report the atrocities and then take comments from both sides as if there is no truth; only two sides of the story. "How do you see it Mr. Hitler," school of journalism.

This year is different. When the republicans lose, I say we mercilessly ride them down like swine, Planet of the Apes style. Figuretively speaking of course. Nothing will give me greater pleasure than revenge served cold. I hate them and I don't want to drink breers with the ruthless bastards. Like Dr. Thompson said in 1994 distills my rage:

If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin.

I can see them squirm. I feel their collective flop sweat. They act like missionaries held by savages as the pot boils and the drums press on their temples like a cudgel:

The question, analysts say, is whether the Republicans' race-by-race strategy can overcome what is shaping up, so far, as a classic midterm election driven by national issues. "I don't really care what the national climate is," said Representative Tom Reynolds of New York, chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee. "At the end of the day, House races are a choice between two people."


And their acts become desperate as they abandon prayer and the haughty bluster of bullies. "Take my wife! Keep her as thy slave. Spare me for God's sake!"

Across the nation, 22 states and the District of Columbia have hiked rates out of frustration with a Congress that hasn't raised the minimum wage in nine years.

"I think we have a pretty good chance," said Texas Sen. Rodney Ellis, D-Houston, who plans to lead the fight on a statewide rate hike in the next Legislature.


I smell bacon.