Mattie, Get Me the Smelling Salts!

I do declare! I have clutched my pearls with all my might but I can barely draw a breath in shock! I have heard some disturbing things about that rabble Kinky Friedman (he's of the Hebrew persuasion, you know). He was making fun of good and true white patriots, and mocked them to a room full of long-haired bohemians 26 years ago. Thank God it was in the middle of the night down by the tracks on Washington Avenue. No decent person would be caught dead in the 1st Ward with all that colored riff-raff down there. I hear anything will make those pointy heads laugh once they are all hopped up. He said nigger about every other time as if we are so vulgar as to say that word in public anymore.

Now Rodney Ellis! There's a good man. He is so well spoken, and mannerly. He is a proud example of his race. He knows his place. And if I were a Democrat still, I would vote for that Mr. Bell. He knows where his bread is buttered. Those two would make sure there won't be any aggitating.

Oh, I wish Ricky Perry would just hurry up and win! He is such a handsome man, and never lets his head get turned around by all those jezebels around the state house. It goes to show that a man can lead a Godly life if he just stays strong.

I swear I'm having the vapors! Losen my corset!