Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, mo-fo..

Governor 39% Perry was signing books at the GOP convention yesterday, and although I try not to buy books by crooks, I have a pretty good idea what’s in his.

I saw him shilling his book on CSPAN, and since I can hear dog whistles, I was able to translate the code words he uses to push his supporter’s buttons.

You see, Perry’s book isn’t really about the Boy Scouts as much as it is about Perry’s perceived “culture wars,” that is, the idea that Mom and apple pie are under attack by the moral relativism of the secular humanists, the latest boogeyman now that the comminist threat has receeded.

When you’re in the business of pandering for the powers that be, the idea is to keep it simple, as if we were all still dopey white folks just off the farm in some Norman Rockwell painting.

Problem is that the good old days weren’t all good either, and trying to make hay off the way things weren’t is crazy. When I was a scout, they weren’t kicking kids out because they were agnostic or effeminate, the leaders were happy if they could just keep a lid on us evil little twerps till they could get us out of town to blow off some steam.

Our troop was like an old prison movie. One character ran the black market, another was a master thief, a third could pick any lock, we had runners, thugs, a mad scientist and of course our patsies, scapegoats, and fall guys; a good cross-section.

I’m glad I was in my troop and not Rick Perry’s.