Just for Laughs

I saw this in Chron.com today and thought I'd pass it on for the edification of all the slobs who read this rag.

For the ladies, if you ever meet someone like this, let me know so we can quickly put the circle on him.

Yes, a gentleman follows some established rules. But in a revised and expanded edition of How To Be A Gentleman (Thomas Nelson, 160 pp. $14.99)author John Bridges insists that gentlemanly behavior is not about do's and don't's; it's about common sense and courtesy.

Take away even a few of Bridges' pointers, and your friends, lovers and business partners will be impressed.

A gentleman . . .

1. Keeps to the right, whether he is walking on a sidewalk, down a hallway or on the stairs.

2. . . . does not attempt to walk and send text messages simultaneously.

3. . . . waits for a woman to initiate a social kiss. If she leans toward him, he turns his cheek toward her lips. And when she graces him with a light, brushing kiss, he doesn't dawdle in accepting it.

4. . . . doesn't wipe away a lipstick smudge in the presence of the woman who planted it on him. He bears it, even if briefly, as a badge of honor, wiping it away later with a handkerchief.

5. . . . waits until a lady at the table lifts her fork before he takes his first bite.

6. . . . eats the garnish on his dinner plate if he so desires.

7. . . . places his knife and his fork on his plate side by side, as if they were the hands of a clock set at 5:25, when he's finished eating.

8. . . . always has an umbrella to share.

9. . . . never wears a belt when he is wearing suspenders.

10. . . . leaves the bottom button of his vest undone.

11. . . . never wears a bow-tie with a button-down shirt.

12. . . . owns at least one pair of black lace-up shoes.

13. . . . usually takes his shirts to the laundry but knows how to use an iron and spray starch.

14. . . . is careful about what he says in e-mails. He meticulously reviews his messages, editing if necessary to make sure recipients will understand what he's saying — and the tone in which he says it.

15. . . . knows how to make a grilled cheese sandwich at 2 a.m. and an omelet at 7 a.m.

16. . . . doesn't flaunt his newest gadgets, no matter how expensive or cutting-edge they may be.

17. . . . feels no necessity to wear socks after Memorial Day — at least in casual situations. If he is Southern, he may not even wear them to church.

18. . . . never wears the same pair of blue jeans two days in a row.

19. . . . puts the liquor away when he wants guests to leave.

20. . . . always offers to get up and make the coffee in the morning.

21. . . . never waits for something better to turn up.