From the, "only in Texas" Department

I noticed that either 'coons or homeless people were disturbing my recycle bin this morning. So naturally I was heading outside with my trusty 30.06 to kill whatever I found when I glanced at the expressnews.com, and saw that an owner/resident of a private game preserve shot and killed a hapless black bear yesterday that invaded his Mountain Home garden paradise.

Game wardens who were conducting, "routine investigation," into the slaying of the endangered animal speculated that it had wandered up to Kerr County from Mexico in search of food and water. "Why it didn't stop in Ft. Stockton, Menard, Junction, Harper, Ingram, or any other place with food and water along the bear's 200 mile hike is anybody's guess."

Rick Perry is reported to have bragged at a South Carolina Republican gathering yesterday that Texans are proven safe from a plague of starving, thirsty bears intering the state illegally and blamed Obama for lax border security.

"America needs a strong leader who isn't afraid to do what it takes to stand up to bears," Perry reminded the crowd.

Stephen Colbert could not be reached for comment.