Don't Touch That Dial! (or I'll Kill You)

This year's Olympics have been the best yet!

Every night I am glued to my set transfixed at the intense level of sports competition.

It doesn't take long for me to feel myself swelling with pride at the sights and sounds of the best amateurs in the world vying for gold, baby!

Thank God for Tivo - I could watch this stuff all day.




In fact, I've sat in this chair for 49 consecutive hours without food or sleep, and after several boxes of official Olympic tissue, I can still raise my cramped hand to signal, "America No.1."

I'm having so much fun, that I've thought of some possible new events for next time: women's mud wrestling; girl's pillow fights; women's tandem makes-outs; wet tee shirt competition; women's nude trampoline, and more!




What grace and beauty! I got the Olympic fever, and I don't think I'll ever let go!

For the first time in my life, I'm really proud of my country.

God Bless America.