Scientists Report Americans Can No Longer Tie Own Shoes

A study released this week from The Scholl Institute reports that many Americans do not know how, or are unable, to tie their shoelaces.

Scientists speculate that the popularity of loafers, along with shoes fastened with buckles, zippers and Velcro, have made tying a bow a lost art.

In addition, in an increasingly obese society, many people can no longer see their feet without the aid of specially angled mirrors such as those found in shoe stores.

This situation is attracting waves of illegal immigrants who flee desperate conditions in their home countries to work as low–wage shodders in the USA.

Experts point out that many Americans have turned to wearing flip-flops because they are able to put them on by themselves, but note that many get the straps between the wrong toes.