Popeye Wins Florida

Florida voters responded to straight talk and Geritol from Senator John McCain to give him a win over his GOP rivals in the winner take all Florida GOP primary. McCain edged Willard Romney, who emphasized his business experience to voters concerned about the economy saying “The Democrats think that America’s greatness stems from its government. It doesn’t. America’s great because of foreign-financed tax-sheltered leveraged buyout firms.”

Meanwhile Jonesboro Massacre vulture and former tobacco shill Mike Huckabee declined to comment, instead waiting to see if McCain’s 95-year-old mother beats up Chuck Norris.