Chupacabra Report

-Cops Want their Dummy Back

LACEY, Wash. — Sure, Trevor was a dummy, but police want him back — and whoever stole the uniformed mannequin from a patrol car could face felony charges.
Trevor, outfitted with sunglasses and a uniform, routinely sat in a Lacey police car for a couple of hours at a time as a reminder to motorists to slow at key places in this town north of the state capital of Olympia. On Friday, police said, the driver's side window was broken and Trevor was nowhere to be found.
The car was out of service this week while the window was being repaired, police Cmdr. John Suessman said.

-Rats Deserting Sinking Ship

Two televangelists have resigned their posts as regents at Oral Roberts University, as the debt-ridden school tries to regroup following a spending scandal involving its former president.
Benny Hinn and I.V. Hilliard have resigned as regents, where they were involved in making major school decisions, university spokesman Jeremy Burton said Thursday. Burton declined to say why the two resigned, but said both wrote the board to express their support for the school's mission.
The resignations come a month after the resignations from the board of regents of two other televangelists, Jesse Duplantis and Creflo Dollar.
Hinn and Dollar are among six televangelists being investigated by Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley to determine if the high-profile preachers violated their organizations' tax-exempt status by living lavishly on the backs of small donors. They have denied wrongdoing.

-45,000 Screwballs and Nuts Hear Pastor Osteen

Republican district attorney candidate Kelly Siegler told a judge last year that members of Houston's Lakewood Church are "screwballs and nuts" and that she works to keep them off of juries.
Siegler made the comment while defending herself from a defense attorney's suggestion that she struck a man from the jury pool in a capital murder case because he is black. It wasn't the man's race that prompted Siegler to eliminate the man from the jury pool, she said. It was the fact that he attends Joel Osteen's megachurch.
"To start with, he's a member of Lakewood Church. And we have had a running agreement, my partner Luci Davidson and I have, since we started, that people who go to Lakewood are screwballs and nuts," Siegler said, according to the court transcript. "I'm very familiar with that church. We try our hardest not to put anybody who goes to Lakewood regularly on any jury, he's a pretty devout member of Lakewood Church. That's one reason that scared me about the man."