'07 Predictions

At last my 2007 predictions. It took a while because my prognostications require me to repair to the dome of contemplation. In a trance, I stare endlessly into a roiling cauldron of chicken soup until visions of the future appear. Behold!

1. An e-coli vaccine allows children to eat their spinach;

2. Raccoon coats return to style under the P-Diddy label, "Rake";

3. Everyone has sex except you, and Kathleen Lopez;

4. Everyone is gay except you, and didn't tell because they thought you'd freak out;

5. Doug McLure becomes a superstar postumously;

6. "Fredricks of Hollywood for Kids" becomes the rage of the smart set under 12;

7. "Christine Aguilera's Songs for Christ (On My Knees to Receive His Love)" hits #1, wins Grammy;

8. Tom Cruise devoured by Komodo Dragons while filming (ham suit blammed);

9. George Bush declares National Day of Positive Hand Clapping - national media deems "bold" and "decisive"; and,

10. Millions lose weight with the Fruit Tamale Diet, only to suffer later from mysterious galbladder illness.