2009 Predictions

My crystal ball is cloudy, making predictions for next year difficult. I've had to resort to interpreting the turbid residue at the bottom of my cocoa cup. Looks like trouble:

1. Tent cities erected in Walmart parking lots called "retirement communities";

2. Victoria's Secret premiers line of bras made from pork products;

3. U.S. Catholic clergy issued tasers;

4. Toilet paper passes the greenback in currency value;

5. U.S. Congress denounces the Dallas Cowboys as a terrorist organization;

6. Rod Blagojevich eaten by marmosets;

7. Virgin Mary appears on Pres. Obama's discarded tuna melt;

8. Hugh Hefner's penis sues for abuse of corpse;

9. Pregnant Sarah Palin names child Na-Yok Ratha Montri Haeng Ratcha Anachak ;

10. Judge Chief Charly Hoarse named Man of the Year.