2008 Predictions (Part 1)

My industry sources in Houston tell me that the entire city is out of Vicodin. This, I believe, is impacting the price of pharmaceuticals nation- wide as reported in the MSM. Reflecting upon the level and intensity of pain in the Space City has sent me to the zone of contemplation until my family made me get out.

Hence, my 2008 predictions, in part:

1. Bear baiting: This old standard is bound to make a hit. Look forward to the reality show, "Man verses Bear."

2. Traveling minstrels: No longer will you hear "get a job, hippie," when encountering the crusty guitar-toting panhandlers in public, the new economy will move many a rising star into the streets to make their living.

3. Dungeons: Keeping up with the Cheney's will be more fun than ever with new America's love of torture. Face it; everybody has secrets AND YOU WANT TO KNOW!

4. Witch Hunts: A drug soaked brain-sick public, denied science education, naturally want to burn witches in their free time when faced with glow sticks and pretty lights. I'm feeling a little "enchanted" already.

5. Sorcerers: Hello, people!! Weight loss might be easier with very little food around, but lets be real: he can make you fabulous!

6. Serfdom: Look, you have a lot fewer illegal immigrants that way.

7. Maelstroms: How long has it been since we had a good olde-fashioned maelstrom? Whether its a green fog that darkens the eastern seaboard for months, or flaming hail stones over Cleveland, this is backyard fun that's long overdue.

8. Highwaymen: This is bound to be a buzz-kill for the family vake, but the up-side is the appearance of more "ham" products.

9. Child Labor: About time.

10. Court jesters, Damsels, and Fools: I'm talking the end of the writers strike!