Ask Congressman Steve Stockman

-Dear Congressman Stockman,


We are among the millions of families praying for Senator Patrick and Dr. Leininger to prevail on the legislature to send us the $8,500 we need to send our child to a Godly private secondary school. Meanwhile he is compelled to attend the local secular humanist government school in our neighborhood.

We are gravely concerned about some of our son’s teachers there. His dance teacher seems to ‘have a little sugar in his tank,’ and his theatre teacher is obviously a fudge-packer. How are we to prepare him for his college career in his chosen field of study (dance/theatre with a minor in interior design) when the public schools are a haven for sodomites and degenerates?

-Mr. and Mrs. Onan P. Stonewall; Montrose, Texas



Dear Mr. and Mrs. Stonewall,

I suggest that you consider home-schooling, or apply for a scholarship for your son at one of the fine Christian schools in our area to prepare him for entry in the Kirk Cameron Acting Studio.



-Dear Congressman Stockman,

Who will be our congressman after you are taken up in the rapture?

Creslo Hagee; Pasadena, Texas



Dear Mr Hagee,

National Rifle Association board member and awesome rock star Ted Nugent has agreed to represent those left below in my absence.



-Dear Congressman Stockman,

Where can I find large-capacity magazines for my AR-15 rifle?

Elisha Rimfar; Piney Woods, Texas



Dear Mr. Rimfarr,

I assure you that the Diane Feinstein assault weapons ban will never pass the House of Representatives, but, you can certainly purchase all the guns and accessories you desire at one of our many local gun shows, no background check required. You might also try the Saturday swap meet at the Nine mm Baptist Church in Conroe.