The President's Saturday Radio Address

Good morning Americans across America. If you've seen more of my ass lately, don't blame me! Before I dust you chumpses off like greased lighting to the Bushco compound in Desmuchados, Paraguay with my pardon stamp still warm, (not too long from now, God willing) I'm having to do a few last minute things for some asshole buddies of mine. I was happy just to bide my time in the secret sub-terrainian rec room set up to my special Doctor-Strangelovian specifications, see, and make my own history, if you know what I mean.

But the other day, Hanky Paulson and Benny the Weasel Bernanke come slithering into my rumpus room all shaky and piss-panty, telling me "Mr. President, the money's all gone. Not a dime is left in the treasury - just some moldy cheese and a couple of IOU's from Karl. What are we gonna do?!" I said, "look, Hank, I thought you were the chairman of Golden Sacks. Pull yourself together. If we need some money, just print it up. What's the problem?"

He says it's more complicated than that - we need tons more money. Everybody we know has been spending the money on so much worthless stuff that we're all broke again. I said, "how much you need?"

See, I got this gettin' stuff down pat. I'm telling you little people out there that if we don't get 700 bil toot sweet everybody in this whipped pooch of a country is gonna be livin' in tar paper shanty's and eatin' Gains Burgers for supper. So, break that check book out, America, and let's get busy. Together we can make this happen.

God Bless you, and have a nice day.