Zippidy Doo Da

I'm not stupid, I'm from Texas!

Monday, July 31, 2006

ZDD Editorial Staff Complete Field Survival Training

All the bloggers (except Nails, who got a baby-bi) participated in field survival training last week in the wilderness of the Guadalupe river above New Braunfels, Texas. We had to learn about the hazzards of jello-shots, beer bongs, and booze-soaked tube mavens, but I feel we all emerged tanned, tougher and tested.

The rumor that strippers would be assaulting the river area had us on edge; however, this turned out to be a threat that was overstated:

Sunday's "Boobs in Toobs" outing turned out to be a bit of a bust.

Thanks to a barrage of television news crews awaiting the would-be tubers when they arrived at San Antonio's Palace Men's Club, most of the dancers decided to forgo their planned river fun.

The tubing excursion to the Comal River was advertised to club customers willing to pay $25 as a chance to enjoy a lazy afternoon with their favorite entertainers. The trip generated a lot of attention statewide because of local officials' fears it might turn into another excuse for rowdy river behavior.

But the group that arrived in town on two unmarked, white charter buses at about 1:30 p.m. included only seven girls on the club's payroll. Club management and paying customers made up the rest of the 45-member group.

New Braunfels Police Chief Russell Johnson met the group at a gas station at the intersection of Interstate 35 and Loop 337 to give them a law enforcement-oriented welcome of sorts.

"I just told them to behave themselves," said Johnson, who left behind a bevy of six news crews to board the buses and deliver his speech. "I did ask them please no nudity. I told them as long as we didn't have any trouble, they wouldn't have any more scrutiny from our officers than any other group."

Although the tubers did not ask any questions, Johnson was pleased with their reaction to his requests and the list of new restrictions recently placed on river activities.

"They were respectful and responsive," he said. "I really think this is a non-event, except for all of the media attention."

Once Johnson was finished laying down the law, the tour rolled on in to town. Club Manager Trey Maddox told Johnson he planned to use Guadalupe River outfitter Amigo Mel's, but the group ended up at Texas Tubes instead.

Despite the number of cameras waiting to catch any potential excitement, the club flotilla flopped into the water without making much of a splash. As soon as they floated away from the bank, they instantly got lost in the rest of the Sunday crowd.

Several of the girls had donned Groucho Marx-style disguises, with fake noses and mustaches, on the bus but apparently saw no need for the anonymity once they got in the water.

Police reported no problems on the river throughout the rest of the afternoon.

© 2006 The Herald-Zeitung. All rights reserved.

Also, let me extend everyone's deep personal gratitude and sense of pride in the privilege of being chosen for a link on the best political blog in T-E-X-A-S Vince, we love you and wish you continued success.


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