Zippidy Doo Da

I'm not stupid, I'm from Texas!

Monday, June 14, 2010

GOP Convenes in Dallas

The Texas Republican Party had their convention in Dallas this week, approving a party platform that is good for laughs if you’re not stricken with queasiness.

San Antonio Express-News reporter Gary Scharrer had this exchange with one of the attendees..

“Houston GOP delegate Stuart Mayper said he's concerned about the party's relationship with Latino voters.

“We must reach out to these people. If we don't, it's a big mistake,” he said.

"But he said the party shouldn't water down its principles.

“Learn English in this country. I don't like going into Wal-Mart and seeing Spanish,” Mayper said.

"He wants to see troops on the border.

“Close the border. I am not against any Mexicans or anything. Let's slow down the tide. I'm not saying send anybody back,” Mayper said.”

-So this guy flunks the ideological purity test because he doesn’t want to seal the border, he merely wants to “slow the tide,’ and “not send anybody back.” That, and he objects to bi-lingual signage at Wal-Mart. Considering that Wal-Mart gets all their stuff from China, maybe the labels should be in Chinese.

The platform calls for “making American English the official language of Texas and the United States,” and makes their usual call for “Urging Congress to evict the United Nations from the United States to rescind U.S. membership.”

In one plank, they call for repeal of the Real ID Act, which “creates an unconstitutional and privacy-inhibiting national ID card.”

In another plank they “Urge the Legislature to require Voter ID.” Would a state ID card be constitutional and respectful of privacy?

Maybe they’ve abandoned logic to distance themselves from “President Spock.”

Logic in no obstacle to these folks, who, if Texas is a one-party state, make up the equivalent of the old Soviet Politburo. These activists are the ones who turn out for the Republican primary elections and select the candidates we’ve been giving a pass to for twenty years.

The convention featured a booth from the John Birch Society, denounced fifty years ago by Barry Goldwater and William F. Buckley after they called Dwight Eisenhower a Communist. The Birchers opposed the Civil Rights Act saying the civil rights movement was communist inspired, Got that Rand Paul?

Another booth touted Ted Nugent for president. I hope his campaign literature features a picture of him reporting for his draft physical smeared with feces and freaked on speed.

The convention takes on the education system, opposing automatic college admissions rules, such as the top 10 percent rule, calling for the repeal of the No Child Left Behind law and the U.S. Department of Education, and for removing the tenure system for Texas state colleges and universities.

Phew, that’s a lot coming from those folks that are always raving about “government schools.” Maybe they ought to ‘home college’ their youngsters, to keep them away from those commie professors.

They call for the repeal of the state lottery and oppose any further legalization of any type of gambling. This cuts against Rick Perry’s scheme to sell off the lottery to an international syndicate. Maybe these fans of privatization would let the mob bid on this deal. Remember the “blue laws?” How would these folks feel if their local Wal-Mart was closed on Sunday. Of course under the establishment clause of the First Amendment, we ought to close the stores on Saturday, and Friday, too.

And what would any GOP platform be without sex? The platform calls for legislation requiring a sonogram for each pregnant woman seeking an abortion, and creating a felony offense for anyone who performs a marriage ceremony for a same-sex couple.

So that’s today’s wish list from the nut farm. Now what we need to do is tie it around their neck like a dead chicken on a bad dog.


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